Well we talked. As I expected, she said: "I never forget you. I don't love you any more. I am getting married in two month. You were the most awful person I ever met. You broke my heart badly. ..."
So, As I thought, I can't expect a miracle.
I am so depressed. Actually I really feel dead inside. To be honest, I lose my hope.
Well well! She asked "What is it interesting in my profile?!" last night!
I know why! because I always checked her profile.
My answer was: "For a lover person like me, you, everything belongs to you"
Actually, I answered last night. But when I checked today, there is no sign of my answer!!! I don't know why. So I wrote again and sent it.
I know she does not want me and just want to remove me from her entire life. But this was a great conversation after a long time.
I love you fishy.
What should I do? text her in Linkedin? Text her in Telegram? or do nothing and wait!
What does she expect? She just added me or wanted me to text her?!
F*k me and my crazy mind!!!
And the last F*ked up thing! If and if I want to text her, What should I text?!!!!!
Mother ...!
Wow!! She just added me in Linkedin!!
Let's not make it real! Maybe she made a mistake and suddenly pushed a wrong bottom.
But I love this night! How could I express it?! I don't know.
And I love my gorgeous lady.
Well, I know she dose not think about me anymore. But I really love her.
Yesterday, I listened to Leonard Cohen love songs. I really cried and thought what if I can listen to them with my true love?
Do you remember the time police caught us?! I really want that moments back.
The best moment was the time I kissed you in the dark street. You were so surprised. That was my best kiss ever.
Once we were together in my friend's house or in your place?! Do you really remember?
these are some of my best moments in my miserable life.
Hello my love. I missed you soooooo much.
I remember the time we were together and the way she looked at me. I loved it.
When I was depressed, she made her lips like a fish. Then I totally forgot my problems. She knew how to treat me and I love the way she behaved me.
My fishy fishy, where are you?
My fishy fishy, what are you doing?
My fishy fishy, what are you thinking of?
My fishy fishy, help me.
My fishy fishy, I need you.
My fishy fishy, please come back to me.
I check her Telegram profile (and other profiles) almost every day. I watch her photos and touch them on the screen and cry. I know I lost her. But I also know she was my first and last love of my life. So I continue this situation until the day I die.
We gave each other a nickname. She called me pishi (kitty) and I called her fishy. Wow! I really miss those days. I truely miss her voice. Sometimes I called her in an anonymous number. She just said a few words and hung up on me. But I love these moments. Her voice was inspiring.
I remember the moments we talked too long and after that I think I can run the world!! Yeah. She was my only motivation. Actually I am sure if something happens to her I will kill myself. This world without her means nothing to me. So why bother?!
I love you fishy.
I don't know where to begin my story. I just want to talk about her. I can't talk to her because she hates me. So I have to write for myself.
Some years ago, I met her. She was gorgeous, wise and a true lady. I loved her from the moment I saw her. We were in the same university. I think I never said 'I love you' face to face!! So what am I?! a loser. I know.
After a while, we had a great time but I ruined it. I knew I wasn't enough for her. Actually, I was nothing for her. I had nothing to offer her. Instead, she was perfect. So, I decided to push her away. I helped her to study at the university which is far from our living city.
Therefore, I began to increase our emotional distance and made a huge space between us. I knew I was wrong and someday I regret this. But I thought this was the best for her.
After making this huge mistake, I should marry to someone. hah! I know! Why someone?! Because I thought she is a lady and I can't force him to marry me. Besides, who am I to propose to her in this situation? So I married to a monster to punish myself.
I know what you might say! I had hug mistakes and can't make such excuses.
What I had done was wrong and I lost her. She hates me. But what should I do? I can't forget her. I miss her so much. I really need her. I want to divorce my wife and marry to my love. But how?! She doesn't want me anymore. I dream about her every day and night.
offf. F*k me and my miserable life.
All Notes are in English. I write about my love who I f*ked up in our relationship and I miss her so much. Please give me any feedback about my writing or anything else.
Thank you in advance.